If there is one thing in the world that people become experts at over time, it’s knowing the ins and outs of their partner and family members habits and routines. The intimacy of knowing a partner’s or family member’s habitual nature is compounded when people live together. In most cases the schedules and routines of partners and family members become intertwined with one another. Partners and family members slowly becomes acquainted with the habitual ways that their loved ones do everything from communicate to get ready for work in the morning. As humans we have an uncanny ability to tell when something is not going well or is causing stress or pain to those who we love. Our proximity and intimate relationships give us insights into the habitual nature of those we hold dear. Overtime even the most impulsive people become predictable to those who love them. What happens when something doesn’t seem right in your relationship with a loved one? What happens when something doesn’t seem right with the relationship a loved one has with the people around them? What happens when the person you’ve come to know so well, starts acting like someone else? When someone you love becomes some one you hardly know, is it time to seek answers?
Blogger Local Kansas City caught up with Doug Pearson of Act Now Investigations to find out about some common behavioral changes that can possibly indicate a loved one is participating in an affair or hiding a drug habit. The Kansas City Private Investigator told us that in his over 20 years experience investigating cases of affairs or addictions, he has found that in most cases clients who have documented a variety of changes in the habitual nature of their loved one and have chosen to pursue an investigation, are correct in their initial suspicions. He said that for many people who contacted him, it was hard for them to get past feeling guilty that they harbored suspicions of loved one. Customers have also been fearful that they might suspect a loved one and find that there suspicions are invalid. For some people, their intuitive instincts might alert them to something lurking beneath the surface in regards to their partner but they fear that perhaps they’ve watched one to many day time soap operas, shows about interventions or dramatic thrillers about forbidden affairs and that they are creating fictions in their mind. There is a very real fear that if a person is to accuse or confront their partner about an affair or addiction and there wasn’t actually one happening, it could create irrevocable damage to a relationship and ultimately their ability to trust the person who is harboring suspicions.
The Kansas City Private Investigator told us that in some instances a person may be harboring suspicions based on more than just instinct. Many times an affair or an addiction will affect the habitual nature of the parties involved and reveal telling details that can help a person with suspicions confirm their suspicions beyond intuition. There are many factors that can contribute to the telling details that can confirm a person’s suspicions. The details are influenced by two major factors; the complicated logistics involved in cheating or masking an addiction The other factor is the emotional toll it takes to perpetrate a long running lie on a large scale. Over time as a person perpetrates a lie on a grand scheme it becomes increasingly emotionally draining. Not only can it be a challenge to manage one’s life in it’s regular capacity but it increases in complexity when a person tries to add the additional burden of another relationship or hiding a drug addiction, to their life. In either the case of a possible drug addiction or infidelity, the similarities of the consequences to a relationship can be virtually the same. For some people harboring suspicions they might find out what they think to be is infidelity is actually a drug addiction and vice versa. Below are some common types of changes in habitual patterns or nature of a loved one, that can indicate they are hiding an affair or addiction.
Temperamental Behavior: The toll of hiding a drug addiction or affair can slowly eat away at a person. In many cases Doug has worked, as a person begins to feel the wait of having to emotionally grapple with their decisions, they become often become unpredictable in their disposition to the people around them. Sudden irritability and or mood swings are sometimes an indicator that a loved one might be emotionally taxed from hiding their activities.
Communication Patterns: For most people the frequency and mediums of communication they choose to use are generally consistent. We all have the friend that prescreens all of their incoming calls with voice mail to bypass having to talk to anybody at length. Perhaps you have a friend who won’t respond to your calls all day but you know if you send them a text they will respond almost immediately. For some of Doug’s clients, a sudden change in the routine ways people communicate can signal something troubling. Imagine if your loved one called you every day after they got off work for years and then without a clear reason why, has stopped calling you after work and has been experiencing bouts of “dropped signals” or ‘missed voicemails”. Imagine that your loved one is a huge fan of Facebook and religiously checks in to places as they begin shopping or ordering a meal. Lately they’ve been having “dropped calls” issues and now they’ve suddenly stopped checking in on Facebook. Simple behavior changes like this can signal broader issues, like an intentional breakdown in communication used to mask the actions of cheating partner or drug abusing loved one. In either case of abuse or affair, the loved one has to go places covertly and without possibility for accountability. To do so, a break down in communication is a tool that can be used to accomplish those means.
Work Scheduling: It is not uncommon for people to periodically work overtime or have to attend to reactionary situations in the workplace. In a competitive marketplace extra effort is rewarded with increased sales, efficiency, conversion and client retention. Doug has found that many Kansas City private investigations have uncovered that a loved one may in some instances utilize meeting sudden “workplace demands” as a means to mask their illicit actions. When people begin to think selfishly in the case of addiction and affairs, they consciously and subconsciously develop emotionally manipulative methods of controlling those who they wish to hide their actions from. A manipulative person can use the workplace as method of indefensible alibi against any skepticism they might encounter from their partner or loved ones. Who honestly wants to accuse their loved one of lying about working overtime? This mindset can be used against a trusting loved one.
Unusual Bank Activity/Money Problems: Addictions and affairs can cost a fortune. The funding of illicit activities is often a clue that leads a person to discover their might be some troubling behavior brewing under the surface of a loved one. What if you discovered that your spouse had drained all of the money in your children’s college fund without telling you? Does it mean anything if suddenly my partner is using cash when historically they use only their debit or credit card? Why did my partner get a parking ticket in a strange part of town? Is my Son stealing money from our family business? In some cases Doug has found that sometimes a loved one will be unable to explain purchases or spending if they are hiding an affair or addiction. In the case of addiction, people who have been historically frugal or financially responsible suddenly and without explanation, become fiscally irresponsible and in many examples begin sporadically needing small short term loans and eventually progress into needing loans increasing in size and frequency.
Grappling with the emotional weight of having unconfirmed suspicions about a loved one can be draining overtime. Doug has found that in his 20 plus years of experience as a Kansas City private investigator, when people harbor doubt and suspicion, it will inevitably negatively affect the relationship with their loved one, regardless of the outcome of his investigations. The resolution and clarity his clients receive, even in the face of negative outcomes, allows them to move forward with their lives instead of drifting in a see of doubt. For some of Doug’s clients, the decision they made to choose his private investigation services, has helped them to understand that they weren’t crazy for feeling suspicious or for considering hiring a divorce attorney. For clients who have discovered infidelity or drug addiction in their loved one’s life, the validation of understanding that they know their loved one well enough to perceive something has changed, helps them feel resolve in the way they perceive the world. Knowing an affair or an addiction is occurring, is the first step in helping to potentially mitigate further personal and family related emotional and physical damage. If you are having doubts or concerns about the sudden or drastic changes in a loved one’s habitual behavior or emotional disposition, don’t hesitate to call Doug Pearson at Act Now Investigation. He has worked with people all over the Kansas City metro area who likely had the same questions you might have. Doug is understanding and always discrete in his communication and billing practices. If you have any questions or are seeking resolve in an issue of potential drug addiction or infidelity, feel free to call Doug Pearson of Act Now Investigations at (913) 469-0006 or toll free at 1-888-469-1956. You can also contact Doug via his website. www.actnowinvestigations.com
Your Kansas City Blog would like to thank Doug for all of his valuable insights.
Word to the wise cheating can end badly. If you don’t believe us check out what a North Carolina wife did when she found out her husband was cheating.